by Noel Foy | Jul 2, 2022 | Resources
Experiencing or witnessing episodes of terror, violence and destruction places extra challenges on parents’ ability to talk about and respond to highly stressful events with their children. Whether discussing Ukraine or other crises, kids look to their parents and the adults around them for how to interpret stressful situations—even infants and toddlers notice anxiety in adults and can pick up on their tone, mood, or language cues. So what can parents say and do to help kids cope? What follows are examples of practical language and productive responses parents can use to decrease anxiety and boost kids’ mental health, even during adverse experiences. Practical Language Validate how you and your child feel: It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and anxious in times of uncertainty or crisis. Acknowledge what someone is feeling with the words “of course” and “and”. For example, Of course this is scary, and we are here to protect and support you through this difficult time. Listen to your child and use objective language such as, I’m noticing…, It seems…. Adults may find it helpful to first process their own feelings of sadness or anger so they can talk about a situation more calmly with their child. Avoid ineffective comments such as, Don’t worry about it, Get over it or Calm down. Talk about what’s happening in developmentally appropriate ways: Be mindful about kids overhearing adult conversations. It’s not necessary to discuss specifics of a crisis with kids under 7; however, acknowledge something is happening (i.e. even young children can relate to the concept of someone who takes something that does not belong to them) and share concrete...
by Noel Foy | Dec 17, 2021 | Resources
With anxiety at record high numbers, kids and adults need practical, playful and action-oriented books to help them show anxiety who’s boss. As an anxiety expert and author, I have my “go to” faves. So, when Ben Fox asked me to be a featured author for shepherd.com, a website designed to help readers find amazing books, I was all in! Shepherd is re-imagining online book discovery…one way they do so is by helping authors who are experts on specific topics to share book recommendations with readers…kind of like wandering your favorite bookstore and receiving little notes from authors pointing out their favorite books. Check out the link below and please share with others to spread the word!...
by Noel Foy | Jun 23, 2021 | Resources
Photo by Roel Dierckens on Unsplash It began with a love of learning and a passion to empower my students throughout the learning process, particularly the underperforming and those with ADHD or learning disabilities. As a mom and life-long educator, you can imagine my dismay when by 4th grade, my sons said they hated school. The spark they once had for school was barely a flicker. When asked, “How was school?” “Boring” was the daily refrain. “What did you learn?” “Nothing” was the typical response. I found this particularly frustrating because I was a teacher. A special educator to boot. Yet, I was unequipped to get to the root of the problem and felt I had fallen short as a parent and educator. I wanted to know why my sons, who loved learning, hated school. Over the years, I discovered they weren’t alone. In my classroom visits to schools across the country, I observed an increase of students in negative emotional states — anxiety, frustration, anger, boredom and lack of relevance to subject matter, causing them to act out or zone out — the same emotions my own sons were experiencing. And it wasn’t just me noticing these behaviors. I found myself in numerous conversations with teachers, coaches and parents who expressed frustration that their students, players or children lacked focus, motivation, resilience, self-regulation and self-direction, despite best efforts to instruct them. What was going on? It wasn’t until the diagnosis of a family member with Post-Concussion Syndrome that I started to get some answers. I became a regular participant at Neuroscience and Learning and the Brain Conferences where...
by Noel Foy | Jun 10, 2020 | Resources
Kids learn more from our examples than any lecture. This includes how we communicate, face obstacles, manage anxiety and accept feedback. This can be challenging on a “good day,” never mind during a pandemic. If there were ever a time when kids are looking to parents for ways to process and interpret the uncertainty and fear associated with the current health crisis, it’s now. If there were ever a time when parents needed information and support to help them do just that, it’s now. Concurrently, there’s a powerful opportunity for you to learn about the brain and use that knowledge to your advantage in your parenting. How do you know if your parenting approach could use an upgrade? Consider the following: What messages are you sending your kids about how to handle anxiety provoking situations? Do you pay attention to your “warning signs” and employ strategies to help you re-set? Or, do you ignore your well being and hear yourself using reactive, dismissive or catastrophic language? My husband and I were four sons into our parenting journey and still lacked an understanding about stress, effective coping skills and the power of communication, often repeating the same ineffective statements we heard as kids. If you asked my kids where they learned anxiety from, they’d all point to me. If you asked them where they learned anger, they’d point to their dad. Modeling and environment matter. Accepting these truths and being willing to make adjustments in our habits and ways of communicating cultivated a healthier environment for our family, strengthened us as parents, and ultimately empowered our sons. The same can...
by Noel Foy | Jun 10, 2020 | Resources
I was four sons into motherhood and still hadn’t reckoned with my anxiety. I hadn’t gotten help, mainly because I had no awareness I could have any power over my anxiety and didn’t have a clue anxiety was treatable. My anxiety was on spin cycle…What if my sons didn’t like school or played too many video games? What if they got hurt in contact sports? Was their diet healthy enough? Was the youngest child getting ripped off…when was the last time I read that child a book? And fast forward several years…What if they crashed the car? (they did). Catastrophic thinking, “what ifs,” and fears of uncertainty and imperfection seemed “normal” parts of my day I’d just have to get used to. Physiological manifestations—rapid heart rate, jumpy knees and tight chest—were sensations I’d just had to live with…permanently. How wrong was I. When one of my sons was diagnosed with post concussion syndrome, I immersed myself into a world of neuroscience and learned about the impact of stress on the brain. For the first time, I became aware that an anxiety disorder was a combination of nature and nurture. Whoa! This nurture part was breaking news and sparked a new way of thinking about my anxiety: I couldn’t change my genes, but I could change my environment. To do this, I had to take an honest look at how anxiety was affecting my parenting. This was a wakeup call moment, and it might be for you as well. Our children are sponges and interpret the world by how we face situations. Not only did I want to begin...
by Noel Foy | Jun 10, 2020 | Resources
When your child is born, so is your parenthood journey. These days, as a parent you may find yourself working harder than ever as you adapt to new ways of navigating your home, work, and social life. That’s why I want to provide you with a cheat sheet of thought leaders who can support you with the cognitive, emotional, social, academic, and character development of your children. When given the awesome responsibility of parenthood, you have no idea where this journey will take you… whether your child will show signs of anxiety or depression…whether they’ll have trouble organizing themselves, making transitions, staying focused, or self-regulating. In your commitment to caring for and nurturing your child unconditionally, you rely on the level of knowledge and skills you have at the time. If you’re like me, much of the knowledge I had was inaccurate, incomplete, or misunderstood. I honestly didn’t know what I didn’t know. One of my biggest discoveries as a parent and educator was learning about the brain, especially the connection of emotion to learning and the power of environment in developing mindsets, habits, self-talk, and skills. You can’t change your kid’s genes, but you can shape their environment. So, I am here to empower you. But I can’t do it alone. Let’s meet 11 thought leaders that changed my life and learn ways they can enhance your parenthood journey. Judy Willis, Neurologist, University of California, Santa Barbara Author of How Your Child Learns Best: Brain-Based Ways to Ignite Learning and Increase School Success. “ I [we] wake up with a new brain everyday and it is up to...
